please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize