we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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