hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
