it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I sprained my soul last night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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