he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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