Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
