could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
