OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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