I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pants are for mortals
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
