my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You made out with two different species that night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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