party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
