Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize