I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
