it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
