a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
