wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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