He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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