I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
