Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
now i know why i became what i already was.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
