I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
