my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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