my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
cat food counts as protein by the way
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
