soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
