Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize