She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize