Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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