I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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