Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cockslap morals
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
