I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
