haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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