Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
