i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
