she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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