If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
