dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Pooping to opera.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
