He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
