i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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