I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've blown a few things in my day
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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