its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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