Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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