Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
