Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you never un-have a 4some
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
