but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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