$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
