At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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