i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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