You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
