I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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