Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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