I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize