Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i dont even know how to be here
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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