this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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