He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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