There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Welp...herpes.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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