She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
