in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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