i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
