Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
