why didn't you poke me back
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
