Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
