i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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