We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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