Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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