I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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