Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
