ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
