Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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