Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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