I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
