Need sex. Gaining weight.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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