just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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