My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
birth control should be required to get into college
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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