KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
