I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
