Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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