So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
