just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
