ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
