He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
