peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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