i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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