Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
